Memories and Missed Loved Ones

When my grandma passed away two years ago, I started writing down all of the things that I remembered from my childhood with her, hoping to be able to read them at her memorial. I wasn't able to read it during the service, but I promised myself I would finish "the list" someday.

As a child, I remember spending hours and hours playing with her horse collection at Christmas time. I remember putting them in order on the metal shelf that sat in the corner of her (now my) living room and even on the top of the woodstove.

We used to sit at her little wooden rectangular table and play Rummy, Yahtzee, and Slap Jack. Oh, and I can't forget Cootie and Hi-Ho Cherry-O! I remember the Garfield "Pick-up Sticks" that I think used to belong to my mom. I remember the big box of marbles that I would sort through. I can still hear the loud clunking of running my fingers through the box and letting them drop on the hard, red metal. Anyone who knows my grandma knows that she loved puzzles, either crosswords or word searches. And I remember helping her search through those paper covered books with her black Bic pen.

I remember watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, Donald Duck, Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers, and even the Young & the Restless. I remember that TIME life advertisement for the Beatles album ("For every season, turn, turn, turn...").

And of course the "comfort food"! Fried eggs, saltine crackers with butter, frozen applesauce (my personal favorite), canned cherries, saltwater, and Mellow Yellow. When I was still very young, I remember helping my grandma make a lemon meringue pie right before bringing it over to a family get together at my aunt's house.

The tradition of Grammie giving food as a treat is one that continued with Sydney and Jaeden. Whenever we came to visit, they would know they would get a special treat from Grammie. Jaeden, even when he was just over a year old, would know that he could open her bottom drawer and find a special surprise in there. I can't even put into the words the joy on her face as she pulled something out of the drawer and the kids ran up to her and gave her a big hug.

There is one thing I don't remember, however. I NEVER remember my grandma raising her voice, scolding, or getting angry about anything. Despite all of the challenges in her own life, and things that happened in my life, she was never anything less than supportive. As a child, if I wanted to play a game, Grammie played with me. If I wanted to watch Tom & Jerry all afternoon, Grammie would let me. If I wanted a snack, Grammie made it for me.

This time of year I'm especially sad that Grammie isn't here to celebrate the holidays with us. She loved having the family get together, eating great food, and in later years, just seeing all of her kids and grandkids despite not always being able to hear the conversations or participate in activities. More so, I'm sad that my kids won't have a childhood full of memories with her. I was five months pregnant with Ryan when she passed away. All I can do is try to keep remembering the great moments I had with her, and sharing those with my kids.

I'm sure all of us have loved ones who are missed at Christmas. But their memory lives on through those of us who remember the good times, write them down, and share them with the world.